Balancing home and work is difficult enough – caring for children, managing a
busy household and juggling the demands of a full-time job can be very
stressful. Add to that the burden of caring for aging parents and you’re
officially a member of the ‘sandwich generation!’
Many people are at the peak of their careers and looking ahead to their own
retirement when they find themselves ‘sandwiched’ between two generations of
family needing simultaneous care and attention – their children and their
elderly parents. No matter how you slice it, the emotional, physical and
financial burdens of this challenging stage of life can be overwhelming.
| • | Set priorities and communicate
with other family members. You shouldn’t have to neglect your own
family to take care of your parents. Involve everyone in your family – your
siblings and extended family included – in a discussion about your parents’
care. Work together to find ways to share the financial, emotional and time
commitments.
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| • | Be supportive of your children.
If you’re devoting a lot of time to caring for your parents, be aware that
your added responsibilities are also affecting your children. Try to be
supportive and sympathetic as they adjust to the new family dynamic. Here
again, communication is the key. Talk to them about the changes they can
expect in the weeks and months ahead and answer their questions honestly.
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| • | Investigate your parents’
financial situation. Have a discussion with your parents about the
state of their finances. Make a list of their savings, assets, income,
insurance, medical coverage and pension benefits. Find out where they keep
their cash and financial documents, such as stock certificates and savings
bonds, and make a note of that, too.
Your parents may be reluctant to share this information because of privacy
concerns or because they are afraid to give up control of their own
finances. Approach the situation with diplomacy and respect their needs. A
professional advisor, such as a lawyer or financial planner, may provide
valuable guidance.
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Document important information. You should know, or be able to
access, your parents’ social insurance numbers, health care numbers,
insurance policy numbers, driver’s licenses, birth certificates and banking
information. Keep a record of the names and phone numbers of their doctor,
lawyer and financial advisor or bank manager.
You should also know where to find the deed to their home and their wills.
If they don’t have wills, encourage them to make them and keep them updated.
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| • | Ensure that your parents have
appropriate legal protection. Your parents should have powers of
attorney in place to allow you or another trusted individual to make
financial and health care decisions on their behalf, if they become
incapacitated. Discuss with them how they would like to be treated if they
become terminally ill.
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Take care of your own financial and legal affairs. This is a
good time to review your own personal situation and make sure that you have
a sensible financial plan and all the appropriate legal documents in place.
Keep the same records for yourself as you require for your parents. You
never know when you’ll need access to this critical information in a hurry.
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| • | Continue to save.
Although you may feel trapped by mortgage payments, the expense of raising
children and the added costs of caring for parents, try to maintain a
regular savings plan. Put some money away every month – you’ll be surprised
at how quickly even a small amount can add up. Make sure that saving for
your own retirement continues to be a
priority.
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| • | Talk to your children about how
much financial help you can provide and encourage realistic expectations.
If you are stretched thin financially, your children can take out student
loans or work part-time to help pay for their education. If you have
boomerang children returning home after graduation or a divorce, ask them to
pay rent or help pay for groceries and other household expenses. And don’t
over-commit to paying for expensive weddings.
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| • | Take care of yourself.
With so many conflicting demands on your time, it’s very easy to burn
yourself out. Do what you need to stay healthy – find time for
exercise, eat a
healthy diet
and stay involved with your friends and interests. Be realistic about what
you can accomplish in a day and try not to overburden yourself. Protect your
personal privacy and your time alone with your spouse. You don’t need to be
available to your parents and children every hour of the day.
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| • | If you take your parents into
your home, make sure that you clearly discuss your expectations
about sharing your home and life with them. Your parents will probably want
to feel that they are useful and productive members of your household, so
give them responsibilities that they can manage. Make sure that you – and
they – have personal space and privacy.
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| • | Ask for help when you need it. If you are feeling overwhelmed
by the conflicting demands in your life, contact the Peel board’s
Employment Assistance Program (EAP). EAP can help you access elder and
child care, as well as a variety of community, social service and government
resources. EAP services are free and available 12 months of the year for
Peel board staff and their immediate family members. Your faith centre may
also have a support network or other resources that you can access. This is
a challenging time in your life and you don’t have to go through it alone.
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