Resolving conflict

Conflicts at work and at home can be stressful and counterproductive. Of course, it’s impossible to avoid all conflict in your life. But you can minimize the negative effects by avoiding blame and anger and finding ways to resolve the situation quickly. If conflict is managed well, it can clarify issues, create new opportunities for discussion and strengthen relationships. When conflict arises, do your best to be part of the solution and not part of the problem!

Common causes of conflict at work

•	Increased responsibility with little authority makes it difficult to recruit or lead other employees.
•	Multiple tasks and multiple leaders can cause disagreements over priorities and deadlines.
•	Increased involvement in teamwork can lead to clashes over limited time and resources, differing work ethics and varying levels of commitment.
•	High stress heightens emotions and leads to irritability, poor communication and misunderstandings.
•	Crises, especially those created by employees who leave things to the last minute, raise the stress quotient in every workplace.
•	Lack of appreciation when someone makes extra effort can lead to resentment that may eventually surface as conflict.

Common causes of conflict at home

•	Lack of communication and/or using silence as a means of expressing disapproval can cause and perpetuate misunderstandings.
•	Disrespecting or disregarding the concerns of other family members creates resentments that can lead to conflict.
•	Lack of follow-through on promises and commitments creates an atmosphere of distrust.
•	An unequal balance of power and authority in a family can have a negative influence on behaviour and cause feelings of inadequacy, powerlessness and anger.
•	Intergenerational conflict, usually caused by differences in culture and values, is an age-old problem that disrupts many families.
•	Previous conflicts and animosities may surface during times of conflict, making a difficult situation worse.

Effective techniques for resolving conflict

•	Learn what triggers your emotions. It's much easier to avoid or control emotional outbursts when you know your own 'hot buttons.'
•	Walk away when you're angered by someone's actions or comments. Count to 10 – or 100 if necessary – before responding. Make a point of never addressing a problem while you're angry.
•	If something or someone bothers you, deal with problems as soon as possible. Don’t bury your feelings and let your resentment build. But wait until you're calm enough to deal with the situation rationally!
•	Listen to other people carefully and be sure you understand their positions. Don't make assumptions about what you think you heard. When it comes to resolving conflict, listening can be more important than fixing.
•	Express interest in the opinions of others. You can acknowledge someone's point of view without necessarily agreeing with it.
•	Try to be objective when dealing with conflicts or criticism. Address problems, not personalities. Know your facts and avoid gossip, grudges and personal attacks.
•	Be specific when discussing problems. Talking in general terms, as if the offense happens all the time (e.g. You’re always late for school), can escalate conflict. Addressing the specifics of the situation (e.g. You were late for school 3 times this week) focuses attention on the facts and keeps tempers under control.
•	Be careful not to express hostility in your posture, facial expression or tone of voice. Be assertive without being aggressive.
•	When resolving a conflict, start by finding common ground. Identify and acknowledge areas of agreement and then move on to negotiate areas of disagreement.
•	Work together to generate options. Very few situations are black and white – there’s usually lots of room for compromise between differing points of view. Be creative and open to new ideas. Try to find a solution that everyone can agree on.
•	Reduce the risk of conflict by working co-operatively with colleagues, family members and others. A little graciousness goes a long way! Make the effort to support or help others.
•	When working as a team or in a group, clarify expectations. Make sure that everyone understands their own responsibilities and agrees on the goals, timelines and priorities.
•	If you have a conflict or problem with another other person and can't resolve the situation on your own, bring in an objective, third person to act as a mediator. At work, this may be a supervisor, colleague or union representative. At home, it may be a relative, friend or, in some situations, a social worker or other trained professional.

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